I’ve never felt comfortable or confident in my body; how I looked. I was always hyper aware that people around me were judging me and my every move. I never thought I was pretty or worthy of compliments. I assumed everyone around me was fake; that the compliments were all lies. There’s no way I looked “cute” in that outfit, and there was no way I was “skinny.”
I’ve always counted my blessings and reminded myself that I was worthy, at the very least, I was worthy of looking decent. At least I wasn’t “that girl” that people more openly made fun of based on her looks.
Growing older, I was less judgemental of others around me, but even more judgemental of myself. After high school, as most people, I gained weight. I didn’t go through “freshman 15” but I did gain weight, and it just continued over the years and fluctuated.
2011 I was 90-100 pounds.
2016 – 2017 I am 135-145. I’m currently the heaviest I’ve ever been. I don’t feel the healthiest I’ve been. I certainly don’t feel the most comfortable in my own body. 2016 was the roughest. I fat shamed myself. Mentally I was at my lowest and doubted myself. I was constantly bashing myself. I told myself I didn’t look good, and I dressed like it. I wore over sized things because I felt I needed to hide my body. Especially my stomach.
2017 I’ve really focused on positivity and a change in my mindset; specifically about how I view and see myself. If you asked me 6 months ago to wear a crop top, I wouldn’t of done it. I couldn’t. I’d always be thinking about how fat I looked and be embarrassed and ashamed.
I’ve learned to dress for my body type, what helps and looks flattering, and I’ve learned to be confident and love myself.
My advice to you, surround yourself with positive thoughts and actions. Don’t judge others, and treat yourself like you do to them. Shower yourself with self love and confidence. Stop looking in that mirror and being negative to yourself; stop hurting yourself.
Remember, I love you. You matter. You’re beautiful. You’re just as worthy as everyone else of being beautiful. Love yourself, because we love you.